Monday, February 2, 2009

1090 days

That's 365 +365 +366-6.  That means that today Tiger is 6 days from his 3rd birthday.  That means that I have survived.  Survived the same number of days with Tiger as I spent waiting for him.  Today Tiger is as old as his sister would have been the day he was born.

(For those of you who don't know, I had a daughter who was stillborn at 32 weeks gestation.)

Maybe that explains my mild depression since Christmas, my lack of posting to the blog, my disinterest in political matters, and my general sense of blah.  I am a little more pensive these days and a little less active.  I hope that writing this post will help to remove the melancholy I have been experiencing.

I think about the last 1090 days, and what a contrast they are from the previous 1090. 
  •  I now spend my days cleaning up messes I didn't create instead of those of my own making.   
  • I haven't moved in the last 1090, I spent the former at 6 addresses in 4 states in 3 time zones, and purchased 3 houses.
  • Since Tiger was born I have taken one trip on an airplane.  In the 3 years prior I took 8 different trips to different places!
  • I read more and I sew more than I did before. Don't ask me how I have the time.
  • Now I blog.
  • Saturdays are now spent around the house instead of looking for really fun excursions to do.
  • We take train rides on vacation now, I don't know why we didn't before.
  • Now I am rarely the first one out of bed, I am attending to the first one out of bed. 
  • Instead of no children, I have 2 children.
  • Instead of finding ways to amuse myself, I am finding ways of amusing my children and myself.
  • The anger and rage I spent 1090 days acquiring has finally all gone away.
  • The last 1090 went by quickly, though not everyday was fast.  The prior 1090 felt like time often stood still.
  • I take very few things for granted, though I am much more of a realist now than I used to be.
  • I understand much more about when life begins and what coming to earth is all about.
  • I fear for the future now, and yet go boldly into it.
  • I have a greater ability to be compassionate, understanding and empathetic.
  • I understand that sometimes timing is everything.
  • I know that trials in life aren't always about us, but the good we can do because of them.
  • I am happier now, even if my house is less clean.
Today is a milestone in my life.  I would like to see where I am in the next 1090 and see what has changed.   Let's see that's Jan 26, 2012.


Ian and Kristin said...

I didn't know that about your daughter! Wow, I love that post! It was great...I love you!!

Birrd said...

Thanks for posting this. I didn't know about your little girl. I'm so sorry.

Julie Sherwood said...

Amazing post - I love how you compared the previous 1090 with the current. You're an amazing woman!

crazy mom of six said...

wow! What an amazing woman you are. I love this post.

Osborn6 said...

Great Post!!! Thanks for sharing. Lots of insight, you are fabulous!!! Love ya!

danandcami said...

Hey I am thinking of you! I hope this post helps you too. Sorry that it hit so hard. Give the boys a hug for us!

Jenny said...

Good post. Thank you. You're amazing--I'm so glad we're friends.