Monday, April 27, 2009

Tough subjects

I've been wondering how to tell my kids about tough subjects.  You know, the ones that are really important, but hard for me to talk about.  I've been wondering how to tell my kids that they have an older sister.  How to tell  them that the grandpa they know is not my father.  I don't think that they are in a "need to know" place in their lives. But, then, where is that "need to know" place?  When will they be old enough to get it?  And when will meeting someone in photographs become meaningful?  When will I be ready to tackle those subjects with them?  Honestly, this scares me more than the birds and the bees!

3 comments:

danandcami said...

I can't imagine how you begin those kinds of topics. Your boys are smart though and I think you could start talking about them now so they get use to the idea. They might be young but maybe if it is something you talk about often then it won't really be difficult. Maybe say "You have a sister that lives with Heavenly Father" and then when they are ready they will ask you the questions and you can just answer them. I'm certainly not trying to pass my self off as a expert by any means, but just a few thoughts that went through my head as I read your blog. Hang in there girl!!

Jenny said...

Like Cami said, maybe if you start now when they're so little, when you tell them there won't have to be some Big Talk--they'll just have always known. Maybe?

Jason Acosta said...

I am actually half-adopted. I remember talking with one of my buds and talking about how wierd it would be if you found you were adopted. I was about 8 or 9, or however old you are in 3rd or 4th grade. Not long after, my mom sat me down and told me a 'story' about a woman who married a returned missionary in the temple, and had a baby boy with him, and then he abused her, and finally, with the support of her family, she found the strength to leave him. The story was about me and her. After she left him, she met the person I've always and still know as "Dad" (not a member, incidentally). When he married my mom, he adopted me, and sperm-donor-abuser man gave up all rights to me. It's actually kind of a touchy subject for me, I still (I'm 30 now, by the way) have some seriously un-Christ-like feeling for said other-dude-guy, and refuse to call my in-laws 'Mom' or 'Dad.' As far as I'm concerned, only one person in my life ever ever ever ever is my Dad, and that man is named Freddy Acosta. Anyways, I read your blog all the time, and thought about commenting when I read what you had but wanted to think about my response. And now that I have waited, I actually like what Jenny said, although I don't have any experience with whether or not that will work. It is important for them to know, and it is a huge part of who you are......good luck. My kid will never meet other dude, by the way, and if they ask when they are older I will tell them, but that will be a loooong time in the future. Again, good luck.